The Hierarchy of Life After High School

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I woke up each day with a mixture of relentless enthusiasm and perpetual dread churning in my stomach, blending into a sicky soup of emotions that made my body and brain buzz: the summer of senior year. Living in this four-month hiatus from the burdens of the education system filled me with exhilaration; until I remembered that with each passing day, I edged closer and closer to entering a new phase in my life. For this brief period, I existed in the liminality of being a high graduate and college freshman. Yet, the more I indulged in all my summer hopes and dreams, the more I realized that neither of these labels quite fit. 

Being a high school graduate alluded to a sense of accomplishment, a sense of completeness, a sense of fulfillment. However, even as I walked across that stage in my cap, gown, and cords to receive my diploma and awards, those feelings were nonexistent. I was honored with the privilege of presenting a graduation speech for my class, yet they were unaware that the only thing residing within me was a sense of confusion. How did I get here? Where did the last four years go? Why did I feel so lost? 

After experiencing the last year and a half of high school through a computer screen, my mind refused to comprehend the finality of this four-year journey. It felt as if I pressed fast forward in a time through my youth that I desperately wanted to rewind. I found myself mourning unmade memories. While life continued moving on without me, I remained stuck in a time gap, trying to fill up the spaces with any bits of the past that I could scavenge. In the midst of these empty nostalgic pursuits, I began to seek comfort in a daunting label: college freshman.   

Initially, these two words incited eagerness. With college came new memories; with new memories came new opportunities to compensate for the unmade ones. I sought to rely on this unexplored part of my life journey for a way to replace my disappointment with optimism. But, this optimism tinged with a bit of fear, a fear of an uncertain future. Since I only experienced two full years of high school, I doubted my preparedness and adequacy for the next upcoming years. Imposter syndrome set in. I felt as if I was a measly high school sophomore posing as a college student. 

The responsibility and independence of being a college student appeared as an intimidating challenge to a girl still trying to process the abrupt end to her high school experience. Despite the years of hard work dedicated to school, calling myself a high school graduate did not accurately represent my place in lif e— yet neither did calling myself a college freshman. Living in the limbo between high school and college creates an isolating experience. While I have outgrown being a high school graduate, I have yet to feel like a college freshman. 

However, my difficulties extend beyond just labels; they represent the larger aspects of the high school to college transition. The adjustment from childhood to adulthood, from dependence to independence, from restriction to freedom is terrifying. Even worse is finding yourself roaming in the gray area between these two worlds, trying to find some definition in this endless ambiguity. I yearned for some direction, belonging, or certainty, but I only received confusion in return. 

During the summer, my search for an accurate title left me more troubled than where I started. Inevitably, this period revealed that regardless of the time or place, one distinct label will never encapsulate the myriad of experiences that molded my identity. In my struggle to navigate these labels, I figured out that you often don’t realize what you are until you aren’t. It is this limbo that allows you to pause and reflect,  not only on your progress but also on your potential. These labels of high school graduates and college freshmen exemplify the importance of viewing life beyond such binaries.  

Life between high school and college serves as the ideal chance to ponder about the person you were and the one you want to become. Learning to appreciate your high school graduate accomplishments while planning to achieve your college freshmen aspirations sets you on the track to succeed despite self-doubt. This restoration of direction leads people on their own journey. They can construct their own labels, compelling them to adventure into the possibilities of uncharted territory.