gigi on Her Latest Release “When She Smiles” and Her Life as an Accidental Mysterious Internet Girl
Photo by Phil Knott
[UNPUBLISHED:] For any readers of Unpublished who might be new to your music, can you give a quick introduction of yourself and how you got started in your music career?
[GIGI:] Honestly, I think my career is just starting out. I've always felt really connected to music, but I feel like growing up I never thought it was something that I would do. It was an unexpected turn in my life to start writing my own music. I didn't even know you could write a song! I was like 15 when I realized songs don’t just exist, you write them. So I wrote my first song when I was 15, and it just opened a world of obsession. I feel like that's the only way I can put it; I am very obsessive when it comes to music. I love being able to translate my life through music. Maybe it's a coping mechanism to view your entire life as a performance, but I feel like I just view my emotions as songs creating this one big musical. I don’t mean that in the way of having a performative alter ego though, it just makes sense to me to put my feelings into songs like that.
[UNPUBLISHED:] Totally understood, no alter egos here.
[GIGI:] It’s funny because I'm totally aware that there are a lot of gigis out there. I’m fully aware that just going by gigi is a reach, but I really don't feel like there's any other way for anyone to know me. My friends call me gigi. My family calls me gigi. I simply am gigi, and that’s the part of myself that I share, even though that's also why it's hard to find me on the internet.
[UNPUBLISHED:] Honestly, I have been a major fan of your music since I first heard “Sometimes (Backwood)” when it was going viral but I couldn’t find your account until “The Man” dropped this year.
[GIGI:] It’s slightly crazy because so many people said that, and I still don't understand how. I see so many comments asking who is singing on my sounds on TikTok. I'm all for being the mysterious girl, but I'm not like I'm literally not the mysterious girl. I say absolutely everything a lot of the time. That's my Aquarius sign kicking in. I'm totally aware that @geeguscrust is hard to find me by, but that name started when I was 15 or 16. It was the username of my finsta account on Instagram and then over time it just became my main Instagram account. It just really stuck, even through hearing from the Christian people who reeeeeeally don’t like the name. I don’t want my handle to just be my full name, so I don't know why @geeguscrust was the name that stuck but it is my handle for every platform.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I really respect that. I love it when people are just like “this is who I am in my most unhinged version of self, you’ll find it when you find it.”
[GIGI:] Yeah. I’m still confused about how people can never find me through TikTok sounds though.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I think I was only seeing reposted sounds. I clearly didn’t search hard enough, but I hadn’t even seen your original video posting “Sometimes (Backwood)” until finding your account with “The Man.” Obviously I had found your Spotify, but as a singer named gigi with only one song out, I eventually just assumed your goal was to be virtually anonymous.
[GIGI:] That’s funny because I have a track record, even prior to this, of releasing songs and then going missing. I had a band in high school called Wendy Lane and we would release one song and then disappear for a few years. There's just a small little community that really wants this band to make more music, and they have absolutely no clue who we are. I feel like there’s something about that anonymity though. Part of that is simply being a developing artist and letting that be natural.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I also really want to wish you a happy release day! How are you feeling now that “When She Smiles” is out?
[GIGI:] Oh my god, I'm feeling so good. I feel so relieved and so happy that it's out. I have recorded that song probably four times. There are a lot of vocal tracks on it, so having it be a finished project feels huge for me. I wanted it to be perfect, and I obsessed over it, but it finally got to this good place and I am so happy with it.
I wrote “When She Smiles” a year ago at 2am in my Florida bedroom. It started with just a very simple guitar and melody, but then I just started layering track after track after track. Each track changed it immensely and I thought the whole thing was weird, but I just kept going. I don’t have many chops in the producer realm either, so it was an experience for sure. After an hour though, there was suddenly a full song. I listened back and I thought, “Wow, this song is so weird.” I was very confused about the whole thing and really couldn't tell if it was good, so I sent it to one of my Producers, Aidan Hobbs. He thought it was really cool but I still couldn’t tell, so I just went to sleep. When I woke up and listened to it again I still thought it was weird, but enjoyed how different it was from everything I’ve ever written before.
I think that difference is just due to how much vocal arrangement is involved. I've always been a huge fan of Ariana Grande since I was 12. I was fully, fangirl obsessed with Ariana Grande. Through her, I discovered Imogen Heap because I knew that was one of her favorite artists. Growing up listening to both Ariana and Imogen Heap really played an influence in “When She Smiles.” My music is drastically different from Ariana Grande so people are always surprised when I say she’s my favorite artist.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I wouldn’t have seen that influence at all, but listening to you talk about it now, it makes complete sense. The inspirations are definitely there.
[GIGI:] It’s just so many crazy harmonies, which Imogen Heap especially does so well. It’s crazy shit in those harmonies, but it is so good.
[UNPUBLISHED:] Within “When She Smiles,” there's really interesting lyricism throughout. I was really struck by the imagery of the line “cause when she loves / she only shows it through dead deer.” What inspired these lyrics for you?
[GIGI:] There's a lot behind them, actually. This is just a recent revelation that I had, it wasn't something that I did consciously. There’s a movie called Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds, and it's one of my favorite movies of all time. Right at the beginning of the movie, there is a guy singing a terrible rendition of a song called “When Jamie Smiles,” and I guess that always stuck in my head. I watched the movie again recently, and I was shocked because I didn’t even realize I did that but it’s a part of me now.
As far as writing the song, I literally blacked out. I started writing it and then it became a tit-for-tat. I wanted to paint the world of imagery. To show what it feels like to have that visceral reaction to somebody's presence where they don't really do anything, but it creates this grand movie in your mind. All the while, it’s not real. The reality definitely conflicts with the actual abuse in the relationship, as there's a clear power dynamic between this person, me, who's very infatuated with somebody who is really not good for me. It ultimately was me acknowledging that I knew this person was nothing like how I thought them to be, but still accepting whatever they give me within that toxic relationship.
I never used to understand how people would stay in toxic relationships until I got into one. Obviously, with a lot of therapy, I think very differently now. At the time though, I was in a position where I felt like I couldn't leave this situation that I was in. I kept waiting for the next day or for a good moment that would relieve me of feeling bad about the relationship. “When She Smiles” really became talking about those moments of acknowledging it, recognizing the need to leave, and then staying anyway. That's exactly what the song's about. The full sentiment of “I know that this is so wrong, but I'm going to tell you every reason why it's so right.”
[UNPUBLISHED:] I love that you had no clue you pulled inspiration from a Ryan Reynolds film until you rewatched it a year later.
[GIGI:] It’s funny. I only pulled a general sentiment and line, but I pulled it and put it in a drastically different song.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I also want to discuss the “When She Smiles” music video, which I absolutely love. The kaleidoscope of visuals and different colored lenses running throughout really adds to the haunting and toxic tone of the entire song. What was the process of creating that video?
[GIGI:] I had no clue what I would do for a video when I first put the song together. My initial thought was it feels like a theater. In my mind, it made sense to put on a production like Swan Lake or The Nutcracker with this video. I'm new to making music videos and being a part of that process. I've figured out my own method of making decks of concepts that I have, even if they're very abstract, and then having somebody hone them and make them make more sense. For this video I offered a lot of different slates of what it could be, so a lot of pictures of creepy animals looking and harsh shades of reds, blacks, and whites. Teaming up with Commando Creative on this video was honestly just so amazing, they were able to really take that concept and bring it into a new world of mixed media. I really love videos like that. This is also the first video that I’m actually pictured in, which was so exciting for me.
[UNPUBLISHED:] “When She Smiles” is very different from your previous releases. Does your songwriting process generally change with every song you write or was this just a one-off change?
[GIGI:] When it comes to the process, I feel like, for me, it's just as simple as I go to my guitar and I start singing. I usually write lyrics and melody at the same time. Sometimes a specific lyric or a melody comes to me first, but most of the time it all just happens at once. I generally just freestyle until something comes out that I like. With “When She Smiles,” I wrote it a bit differently since I don’t ever really record and write songs at the same time. I tracked the guitar chords first and then I just started singing over them. I tracked the whole thing and then started stacking vocals like crazy, which was definitely interesting since I never do that many vocal stacks.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I saw that you recently opened a show for Coldplay and that you're also getting ready to head on tour with Noah Cyrus, which is all incredibly exciting. How are you feeling as you’re heading out into live shows?
[GIGI:] Coldplay was crazy, my stomach was in knots the entire day. I still can't believe that happened. What’s even crazier for me is that I got the invitation to come open for them while at dinner in Tampa on my 22nd birthday. It was such a cool present, but also terrifying because I've never played in front of that many people. It ended up feeling more like a video game when I was on stage though. I’m normally terrified on stage when I can see everyone’s faces and reactions, but this was at such a large scale that once I got past the nerves of my first song, it was great.
The Noah shows feel different because they’re so much more intimate. I opened for her about a year ago as well, and even now, those nerves when I see everyone in the crowd just don't go away. I like the nerves though because they remind me how much this matters to me. If I feel sick before a show, I know I am going to have a great show. I open up once I pass that first song stage fright, and I want to keep getting better at opening up immediately, which I think can happen because Noah’s shows are just so much fun. Her audience is so receptive and sweet, and also just getting to watch her show is insane.
I still can’t believe that these are actual shows I’m playing and experiences I am having. When I wrote my first song, I never would have expected to hit the point where I am opening for artists like Coldplay and Noah Cyrus. I’ve had this dream of doing music for so long, just this massive dream in my heart, and now it's grown around me in so many ways. It's such a blessing and so rare, and I am so excited to get to keep doing what I love and go on my first tour with Noah. It’s all just so once in a lifetime.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I really relate to that fear of the first song. I’m not a music artist, but I dance, so it’s really similar for me in that fear and then having to open up more as I get comfortable on stage.
[GIGI:] Oh my goodness, good for you. Do not ask me to dance.
[UNPUBLISHED:] So what I'm hearing is you should dance a little bit on this tour?
[GIGI:] Yeah, maybe I’ll just start shaking my butt at random points. In reality, I'm going to be playing guitar so I don't think there's much room to actually dance, but never say never. I love seeing artists that totally break it down in their videos.
[UNPUBLISHED:] I think you could do it, and I would love to see it.
[GIGI:] We’re taking the slow arc there.
[UNPUBLISHED:] So as you’ve grown and changed throughout your music career thus far, is there any advice you wish you had been given or things you wish you knew?
[GIGI:] I’ve been given great advice. I do feel like everything happened very quickly. I shared a video of an emotional moment that I had and then suddenly, I went from 300 followers to 68,000, which is just such a crazy jump. I think if I could go back, I would just tell myself that I was ready for it. There were a lot of drastic changes that happened overnight, and still continue to happen, but I think I’ve learned with time that nothing ever really stays the same. Also, don't take big changes personally, and don’t do anything that you don't want to do. I used to be scared of offending someone if I didn’t want to do something, but you have to put yourself first and do what you feel aligns with you.
[UNPUBLISHED:] With “When She Smiles” out now, are you able to give any hints at what fans can expect next for you musically?
[GIGI:] I can’t share much about what’s coming, but I am excited about it. The next song is really real and probably my most vulnerable yet. I’m nervous about it but also so excited for people to continue to get to know me through my music. It has been important to me to make sure that I like each song that I put out and that it gives the listeners a better understanding of who I am. I think I’m accomplishing that. So, even though I’m nervous about it, I am just so happy to keep getting to share more soon.
[UNPUBLISHED:] Is there anything else you want the readers to know?
[GIGI:] I come from a Chihuahua family and have three Chihuahuas named Lola, Rosie, and Baby. I also have decided that I need to get two tattoos for this tour. I don’t know why I have this need since I have no tattoos now, but I’ll tell you what they are when I get them.