Why Are We So Mad When Women Get Mad: An Analysis of Female Rage
If you’ve spent any of your free time on Twitter, you’ve probably seen a specific video of Greta Thunberg floating around. In this clip, Greta is openly irate, speaking directly to world leaders about their handling of the climate change issue, or rather, lack thereof. “I shouldn’t be up here,” She begins. “[...] you come to us young people for hope. How dare you!”
It’s this line that turned the speech into a viral meme. Thousands of users attached the video to their tweets, using it as a way to make jokes, rather than consider and praise the point that Greta was trying to get across.
Don’t get me wrong, plenty of people did commend Greta for her bravery. But the speech might not be remembered by young people for its eloquence. Instead, when they see it replayed on television, they’ll think about a post that got 50,000 likes.
This phenomenon is not singular to Greta Thunberg. In fact, it happens to nearly every woman at one point in her life. Female anger makes people uncomfortable. They don’t know how to respond to it. We may be living in 2020, but society is still more comfortable treating girls like it’s 1950.
When we see a woman getting angry, it’s likely that she’ll receive 1 of 3 responses. The first, “someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning”, insinuates she would never normally act so outspoken. She’s just lost her way because she had a rough night. Let’s get her some coffee and she’ll be back to normal.
Secondly, the dreaded, “is it that time of the month?” A woman’s irritation has to be due to her menstrual cycle, right? She couldn’t just be upset over something. No, not possible. Her hormones are just out of whack. Don’t pay any attention to her.
And lastly, but perhaps the most horrible, “would you just calm down?”. I hate being told to calm down. I don’t think anybody likes it, it’s invalidating. Who is anybody else to tell me that my feelings aren’t worth my reaction? I’ve lost count of how many times somebody has told me to calm down. I can’t remember a single time I’ve witnessed a man being told to and I’ve been around quite a few angry men.
According to a study done by Southwest Missouri State University, the way men and women interpret their own anger is drastically different. Deborah Cox, a psychologist at the university, said, “[...] several women told us they felt that their anger was disabling. They felt ashamed of feeling angry and tried to control it, hide it, and apologize for it.”
Interestingly, Cox said many men felt less productive when they kept their anger bottled up. Isn’t that something? Men don’t have to feel embarrassed when they express themselves negatively. Society views it as a sign of power. We think, “he must be pretty strong if he can display his emotions so outwardly. He’s so passionate, definitely a natural born leader.”
This is not to say that women don’t get angry. There’s a lot for us to be pissed about. We don’t feel comfortable being honest about it, though. We’re forced to get it out in private, in the safety of locked bathrooms or the pillows we scream into. We’ve been conditioned to believe our fury can’t intermingle with our relationships and if it does, we’ll be viewed as less desirable. We become offputting, and nobody likes an unpleasant lady.
I’ve often heard (and even expressed myself) women say that they want to stand up for themselves without sounding angry. This is yet another impossible pressure society expects us to deal with. Why should we have to worry about sounding mad? Why can’t I be pissed off?
I’ve noticed when a woman does run into somebody that appreciates her anger, she must present it in a way that makes her audience comfortable. She cannot stutter, her points must be thought out beforehand, and nothing she says can be too controversial. She probably shouldn’t swear or get red in the face, and don’t even think about raising your voice. A girl’s emotions are always trying to fight from being caged or watered down.
I used to be afraid of admitting I was angry. I’d keep it to myself, locked away in a corner of my heart that nobody else could reach. Well, my anger has outgrown that corner. It’s bigger than my body and I’m proud of that. I’m angry every single day of my life. That doesn’t make me bitter, ungrateful, or unpleasant. It makes me human. I’m a woman and I’m pissed off, and it feels fantastic.
Sources
Weise, Elizabeth. “'How Dare You?' Read Greta Thunberg's Emotional Climate Change Speech to UN and World Leaders.” USA Today, Gannett Satellite Information Network, 24 Sept. 2019, www.usatoday.com/story/news/2019/09/23/greta-thunberg-tells-un-summit-youth-not-forgive-climate-inaction/2421335001/.
Nowlis, Rebecca Sladek. “Comparison of Anger Expression in Men and Women Reveals Surprising Differences.” Comparison of Anger Expression in Men and Women Reveals Surprising Differences | UC San Francisco, 28 Jan. 2000, www.ucsf.edu/news/2000/01/5027/comparison-anger-expression-men-and-women-reveals-surprising-differen.