Stop Being a “Ride or Die”

“There’s a difference between being a ‘ride or die’ and being a ‘ride or dumb’,” said Jeannie Mai Jenkins, co-talk-show host of The Real. 

On the popular talk show’s “Girl Talk” segment, the four co-hosts discussed, “Is being a ride-or-die chick...stupid?”

The dictionary defines a ride or die as “a colloquial expression of extreme loyalty to someone or something.”

From Joker and Harley Quinn to Queen and Slim to Bonnie and Clyde, the ride or die is a glamorized relationship dynamic in our culture.

A ride or die has their partner’s back through the thick, thin, and outright dangerous. It signifies an allegiance so potent that one is willing to risk everything for the wellbeing of the other, even their own.

On the big screen, the ride or die is an aspirational dynamic between a man and a woman. It manifests as an admirable devoutness between two unpredictable, yet in love, characters. They’re “mad”, but even more madly in love with one another.

In reality, the ride or die is a much more harmful entity. While it signifies intense loyalty to your partner, it most negatively affects the woman in heterosexual relationships- and its weight has been burdening Black women in the media for years. 

After a video surfaced of artist Solange Knowles attacking rapper Jay-Z on an elevator surfaced in 2014, rumors began to buzz about his infidelity to his current wife, Beyoncé, wrote Travis M. Andrews for The Washington Post. In 2016, Beyoncé released her second visual album, “Lemonade”, where she cryptically confirmed the rumors. It had everyone wondering: why the hell doesn’t she leave him?

But she isn’t alone.

From entertainers Cardi B and Offset to TV personality and athlete Khloé Kardashian and Tristan Thompson, Hollywood runs rampant with examples of publicly humiliated women who refuse to call it quits.

And while some reprimand them, others praise them.

The issue with a ride or die is not that you would do anything for the man that you love, but that you are willing to put aside your self-respect, morals, and even safety in the process.

Loni Love provided an example of how dangerous being a ride or die can be. The Real co-host discussed the time that she found out a friend had been smuggling drugs from Texas to New York for her man. She was proud. She has proven to herself and her significant other that she would quite literally do anything for him.

Loni went on to mention how more women than we know are in prison because of this aforementioned “loyalty”. Whether that be lying under oath, being directly affiliated with the crime, or trying to cover it up.

Take Emma Coronel Aispuro, wife of the notorious drug cartel leader, “El Chapo”, for example. In June, Aispuro pled guilty for helping him run his infamous cartel, reported NPR. Some publications even asserted that before her plea, she told law enforcement that she “never saw him doing anything illegal.”

Adrienne Houghton, another co-host on The Real, made her opinion on the matter very clear: no man that truly loves you would put you in a situation where you would have to “die” for him.

I agree with her when she says that a ride or die is someone who doesn’t leave you at your lowest.

A ride or die is someone who sticks by you when their mental health is deteriorating. They help you get back on your feet when you lose your job. They help you stand on your own two feet when you only feel like you have one.

Society has tainted the concept of a ride or die by testing its limits in often unhealthy ways. 

Bailon narrates writer Brittany Daniels’ experience as a ride or die, saying that she thought “being in love meant being there for your man no matter what.”

Love is about support, not blind loyalty. When you love someone, you challenge them and their character. If you find yourself going along with your partner’s every whim, putting you in hazardous, unconventional, or even just uncomfortable situations, take a step back and reevaluate your partnership’s dynamic.

Our society has made a mockery of the ride or die, muddling its potential with extremes that oftentimes end in tragedy. 

If you still claim to be a ride or die, maybe you should keep it to yourself.